Paraparalarva's first effect can be shortened from:
If this card is sent to the GY because the equipped monster leaves the field: You can special summon 1 "Parapara Token" (Insect/ Dark/ Level 1/ Atk ?/ Def 0) With ATK equal to the original ATK of the equipped monster.to:
If this card is sent to the GY because the equipped monster leaves the field: You can Special Summon 1 "Parapara Token" (Insect/DARK/Level 1/ATK ?/DEF 0) with ATK equal to the equipped monster's original ATK.Special Summon is always capitalized (as well as other forms of Special Summon such as
Special Summoned and
Special Summoning), and attributes are always written in all caps. There was also no need to capitalize "
with" since you weren't starting a sentence with it, and since that word isn't one of those words you always capitalize in effects.
There's another minor mistake here, but I think we can let it slide: You normally don't put spaces between Insect/, DARK/, Level 1, and so on when listing a token's default stats.
However, even though Konami never does that, it might be perfectly fine to do that here since splitting them with spaces like that at least makes the text easier on the eyes. Sometimes it's okay to deviate, a little, from standard
PSCT norms if it means making text even easier on the eyes.
The second effect, however, needs to be corrected so it's not confusing:
If a "Parapara" monster you control battles an opponent's monster: you can equip this card from your hand or field to that monster.You need to specify when, during the battle, this effect can trigger. So if you want it to trigger upon attack declaration, it should say:
If an attack is declared involving your "Parapara" monster and another monster:If you instead want it to trigger at the start of the damage step, it should say:
At the start of the Damage Step, if your "Parapara" monster battles a monster:Also, any text after a colon is considered a new sentence, so the "
you" in "
you can equip this card" should be capitalized.
It's also not clear whether "
that monster" means the Parapara monster or the opponent's monster; so that part should be changed from:
you can equip this card from your hand or field to that monster.to:
You can equip this card from your hand or field to either monster.The last effect should be shortened from:
While equipped with this card, it loses ATK equal to this cards original ATK, also, it gains the following effect:
●"During your Standby phase, Send this card to the GY; special summon 1 "Parapara Token" (Insect/ Dark/ Level 1/ Atk 0 / Def 0) In attack position"to:
A monster equipped with this card loses 1000 ATK but gains this effect.
● During your Standby Phase: Send this card to the GY; Special Summon 1 "Parapara Token" (Insect/DARK/Level 1/ATK ?/DEF 0) with ATK equal to this card's original ATK.Phase is always capitalized if you're referring to a certain kind of phase, such as the Standby / Draw / Main / Battle Phase. When using phase by itself like how
Fire Formation - Tenken says "
during this phase," you don't have to capitalize it, although Konami themselves deviated from this at one point when they capitalized Phase by itself, in the text of
Battlewasp - Hama the Conquering Bow.
Also, a bulleted effect doesn't need to be entirely in quotation marks, so that quotation at the beginning and end aren't needed.
You also should put a space between the bullet point and the beginning of that effect, so it reads:
● During yourinstead of:
●During yourAlso, when you have 2 effects that summon the exact same named token, that token should have the same default stats listed on each of those effects, so you can't have one effect special summon a token with a default ATK of 0, while in that same card text, another effect special summons that same token but this time with a question mark as the default ATK.
In fact, when the same card has multiple effects that all summon the same named token with the same default stats, you don't need to list those stats more than once, meaning this effect:
If this card is sent to the GY because the equipped monster leaves the field: You can Special Summon 1 "Parapara Token" (Insect/DARK/Level 1/ATK ?/DEF 0) with ATK equal to the equipped monster's original ATK. If an attack is declared involving your "Parapara" monster and another monster: You can equip this card from your hand or field to either monster. A monster equipped with this card loses 1000 ATK but gains this effect.
● During your Standby Phase: Send this card to the GY; Special Summon 1 "Parapara Token" (Insect/DARK/Level 1/ATK ?/DEF 0) with ATK equal to this card's original ATK.can be shortened even further to:
If this card is sent to the GY because the equipped monster leaves the field: You can Special Summon 1 "Parapara Token" (Insect/DARK/Level 1/ATK ?/DEF 0) with ATK equal to the equipped monster's original ATK. If an attack is declared involving your "Parapara" monster and another monster: You can equip this card from your hand or field to either monster. A monster equipped with this card loses 1000 ATK but gains this effect.
● During your Standby Phase: Send this card to the GY; Special Summon 1 "Parapara Token" with ATK equal to this card's original ATK.You don't need to specify multiple times on the same card that your token has the default type, attribute, level, ATK, and DEF of Insect, Dark, 1, ?, and 0 respectively. See
White Aura Bihamut and
Trickstar Live Stage how those cards each specify their token stats just once, even though they have multiple different effects that involve summoning them.
Lastly, the effect that decreases ATK should simply decrease by a set amount, such as 1000, instead of by each equip card's own original ATK. Calculating several different ATK decreases instead of 1 common ATK decrease will be tedious.
All of this goes for the rest of your archetype as well.
Paraparamago, Paraparapharate, and Paraparapupa need to have the semi-colons in their effects:
If this card is sent to the GY because the equipped monster leaves the field;changed to colons like this:
If this card is sent to the GY because the equipped monster leaves the field:in order to indicate that those are activation conditions.
Parapara Paratype can be shortened from:
Target 1 monster on the field; Equip 1 "Parapara" Monster from your deck to that target, and if you do, its ATK becomes equal to the Original ATK of that equipped card, then, Special summon 1 "Parapara Token" (Insect/ Dark/ Level 1/ ATK ?/ Dec 0) with ATK equal to that targets original ATK. you can only activate "Parapara Paratype" Once per turn.to:
Target 1 monster; equip 1 "Parapara" monster from your Deck to it, then Special Summon 1 "Parapara Token" (Insect/DARK/Level 1/ATK ?/DEF 0) with ATK equal to the equipped monster's original ATK. You can only activate 1 "Parapara Paratype" per turn.Since cards can never equip to anything other than face-up monsters on the field, you actually don't need to specify that the target has to be on the field, since you're never going to target anything in the graveyard, or any banished card, to equip your Parapara monster to anyways.
Deck is always capitalized, as well as Extra Deck and GY.
Semi-colons don't mark the beginning of a new sentence, so you don't capitalize "
Equip" here, and Equip isn't one of those things you always capitalize.
Since this card will target any monster on the field, you can replace "
that target" with just "
it" and it won't make a difference.
I don't think changing the equipped monster's ATK to the equip card's is necessary at all, as the equip card itself will reduce that ATK by 1000 anyways.
Monster isn't capitalized when using it right after the name of an archetype, so you say
"Parapara" monster not
"Parapara" Monster. The same goes for Card.
A hard once per turn spell/trap card activation is worded as
You can only activate 1 "Card Name" per turn.not:
You can only activate "Card Name" Once per turn.Parapara Pheromone needs to specify that the card it's adding is added to the hand, so it needs to say:
Add 1 "Parapara" card from your Deck to your hand except "Parapara Pheromone". You can only use this effect of "Parapara Pheromone" once per turn.not just:
Add 1 "Parapara" Card from your deck, except "Parapara Pheromone" you can only use this effect of "Parapara Pheromone" Once per turn.Also, Once isn't one of those things you always capitalize, and you don't capitalize it here.
Parapara Phoresy can be shortened from:
Once per turn, you can target 1 face-up monster your opponent controls: Equip 1 "Parapara" Monster from your deck to that target. Negate the effects of all face-up monsters while they are equipped with a "Parapara" Monster. "Parapara" Tokens are unaffected by card effects.to:
Once per turn: You can target 1 opponent's monster; equip 1 "Parapara" monster from your Deck to that target. Negate the effects of monsters equipped with a "Parapara" card. "Parapara Tokens" are unaffected by effects except this card's.A card that make others unaffected by card effects need to at least exclude its own effects, otherwise things wouldn't work properly as there would be a loop where the tokens are unaffected by all effects, but because the tokens are unaffected by everything, the "
tokens are unaffected" thing no longer applies to them, making them affected again, making them then become unaffected again, and so on.
You also don't need to say "
all face-up monsters" here. You can just say "
monsters" since, again, monsters equipped with anything will be face-up on the field while equipped, and cannot remain equipped with anything while face-down or not on the field.
