You've gotten so much better at problem-solving card text since I last reviewed customs of yours, but there are still ways to shorten your effects further to make reading and understanding them easier and less confusing.
The effects that say "
If this card is Pendulum Summoned, or Special Summoned from the GY" should say "
Special Summoned from the GY" first then "
is Pendulum Summoned," so they'll instead say:
If this card is Special Summoned from the GY or Pendulum SummonedOtherwise, players could interpret "
Pendulum Summoned or Special Summoned from the GY" as "
Pendulum Summoned from the GY or Special Summoned from the GY". I know pendulum summoning from the graveyard isn't a thing yet, but it's still makes more sense to list it in the way I recommend, as cards like
Raidraptor - Rudder Strix that want to trigger their effects when summoned from a location one way but also summoned a different way will list the condition of it being special summoned from the listed location first (which is the hand in it's case), then the condition of it being summoned the other way but this time regardless of location (which is, in this case, it being normal summoned).
For these effects:
"
At the start of the Damage Step, if this card battles a Machine monster: You can destroy it."
"
At the start of the Damage Step, if this card battles a Machine monster: You can change its ATK to 0."
"
At the start of the Damage Step, if this card battles a Machine monster: You can banish it."
Replace "
it" with "
that monster" (or "
that Machine monster"), so it's more clear you're trying to destroy, reduce to 0 ATK, or banish, the monster your monster's battling, or else players will think you're trying to do those things to your own monsters. Notice how
El Shaddoll Construct, for example, says "
At the start of the Damage Step, if this card battles a Special Summoned monster: Destroy that monster" and not "
At the start of the Damage Step, if this card battles a Special Summoned monster: Destroy it". This is to make it clear that El Shaddoll Construct's trying to destroy the battling special summoned monster in question and not itself.
Some of your monsters say "
If you control a "Holomech" monster, you can Normal Summon this card without Tribute." It should be either "
without Tributes" (with an S at the end), or just "
without Tributing".
Holomech of Dedication's monster effect needs to be more clear if "
destroy it, and if it was a Machine monster" means if the monster was Machine prior to the destruction in question or if the monster remained Machine after leaving the field, so you should reword that effect like this so it's more clear:
You can target 1 monster your opponent controls; destroy it, and if it was a face-up Machine monster when it was on the field, this card can make a second attack during each Battle Phase this turn.Holomech of Laceration has too many unnecessary words in it's pendulum effect. This:
If your opponent controls a Machine, you can also Special Summon "Holomech" monsters with a Level from your GY to your Main Monster Zones up to the number of Machine monsters on the field, but if you do, destroy this card.can be shortened to:
If your opponent controls a Machine: You can Special Summon non-Link "Holomech" monsters from your GY up to the number of Machine monsters on the field, but if you do, destroy this card.Unless you were trying to make this effect let you pendulum summon from the graveyard, I don't know what the "
also" was for, and when special summoning monsters from the graveyard, they'll already, by default, go to main monster zones, as monsters special summoned from the graveyard don't usually go to any extra monster zone, even if they're fusion/synchro/xyz/link monsters.
It's monster effect can also be shortened. This:
You can target 1 card in either player's GY; banish it, and if you do, 1 monster your opponent controls becomes a Machine monster (if any)can be shortened to:
You can target 1 card in the GY; banish it, and if you do, you can change the Type of 1 monster your opponent controls to Machine.There's no need to use the term "
either player's GY" anymore. We now just say "
the GY" instead when referring to 1 card at a time in the graveyard of either player. Notice how
Cynet Universe says "
Target 1 monster in the GY" instead of "
Target 1 monster in either player's GY".
Holomech of Veneration's pendulum effect is confusing. I can't tell if that effect is supposed to make it destroy itself if you use it and previously pendulum summoned that turn, or destroy itself if you pendulum summon later in the turn after you use it. It needs to be more clear if the pendulum summon needs to occur before or after (or both) it uses that effect for it to destroy itself.
If it's before, the effect should be worded like this:
If your opponent controls a Machine: You can target 1 "Holomech" card in your other Pendulum Zone; change its Pendulum Scale to 4 or 7, then destroy this card if you Pendulum Summoned previously this turn.If it's after, the effect should be worded like this:
Once per turn, if your opponent controls a Machine: You can target 1 "Holomech" card in your other Pendulum Zone; change its Pendulum Scale to 4 or 7, but if you do, this card gains this effect until the end of this turn.
● If you Pendulum Summon: Destroy this card.Either way, you don't say '
other face-up "Holomech" card in your Pendulum Zone'. You say
"Holomech" card in your other Pendulum Zone without including "
face-up," as any specific archetype you're referring to and targeting in a pendulum zone is already, by default, going to always be face-up, as cards in pendulum zones can never be
face-down.
Recommend changing Holomech of Adaptation's entire pendulum effect to just:
When an activated card or effect resolves while your opponent controls a Machine monster, you can negate that effect, then destroy this card. You can only use this effect of "Holomech of Adaptation" once per turn.as also requiring the activated thing in question to destroy/negate something of yours makes this pendulum effect more specific and situational than it needs to be in my opinion, especially when this archetype already relies heavily on the opponent's monsters being specifically Machine without enough reliable ways to make them Machine.
I don't see the point in making Holomech of Rumination's pendulum effect hard once per turn when it's already going to destroy itself immediately after you use it's effect for a pendulum summon, meaning you wouldn't be able to conduct another pendulum summon that turn anyway since, after the self-destruction, you'll then lack the appropriate scales in the pendulum zones for any further pendulum summoning until you set up a new pendulum scale in your following turn or something.
Also, like Holomech of Laceration, you should replace "
1 monster your opponent controls become a Machine monster (if any)" with "
you can change the Type of 1 monster your opponent controls to Machine" in Holomech of Rumination's monster effect.
Holomech Generation's entire effect should be changed from:
If your opponent only controls Machine monsters, all "Holomech" monsters you control can attack directly, but if they do, half any battle damage they inflict. During either player's turn: You can make 1 monster your opponent controls become a Machine monster. You can only use this effect of "Holomech Generation" once per turn.to:
Your "Holomech" monsters can attack directly while the only face-up monsters your opponent controls are Machine, but when they use this effect, halve any battle damage your opponent takes. You can change the Type of 1 monster your opponent controls to Machine. You can only use this effect of "Holomech Generation" once per turn.The problem with saying "
your opponent only controls Machine monsters" instead of "
the only face-up monsters your opponent controls are Machine" is that the former isn't exactly clear if face-down monsters are also counted, or if just face-up monsters are. The latter is clear on that. Also, when effects continuously give any monster(s) the ability to attack directly and nothing else, you can word it as "
your X monsters can attack directly" which is shorter and easier to read than "
all X monsters you control can attack directly".
Finally, you don't need to mention "
During either player's turn" for continuous trap effects, as those kinds of effects are already, by default, going to be useable "
during either player's turn" unless stated otherwise.
Holomech of Ordination's entire text can be shortened from:
2 monsters with different names, including a "Holomech" monster
If this card is Link Summoned: Special Summon 1 "Holomech Token" (Machine/WIND/Level 2/ATK 0/DEF 0) to either side of the field in Defense Position. Once per turn (Quick Effect): You can take 1 non-Link "Holomech" monster from your GY or face-up in your Extra Deck, either add it to your hand or place it in your Pendulum Zone.to:
2 monsters with different names including a "Holomech" monster
If this card is Link Summoned: Special Summon 1 "Holomech Token" (Machine/WIND/Level 2/ATK 0/DEF 0) to either field in Defense Position. Once per turn (Quick Effect): You can add to your hand or place in your Pendulum Zone 1 "Holomech" Pendulum Monster from your GY or face-up Extra Deck.There's no need for a comma between "
names" and "
including". Look at how
Blackbeard, the Plunder Patroll Captain's wording for it's summoning requirements is "
2 monsters including an X monster" without the need for any commas there.
You don't need to include "
side of the" anymore when referring to either field. Many old cards included that part, but as of now, you can just say "
either field" without the "
side of the" part.
Since every monster in your archetype except the link monster is a pendulum monster, it makes more sense to say
"Holomech" Pendulum Monster instead of
non-Link "Holomech" monster.
As for the last part of that monster's effect, while many older cards would word their effects to say "
Take 1 X card from location's A or B and either do Y or Z with that card," newer cards now word it like "
do Y or Z with card X from location's A or B" or "
do Y or Z from location's A or B with card X" as those 2 wordings are shorter while conveying the same thing. An older card like
SPYRAL Double Helix, for example, would word it's effect the old way ("
take 1 "SPYRAL" monster from your Deck or GY, and either add it to your hand or Special Summon it") while a newer card like
Dogmatika Encounter, for example, words it the newer way ("
Add to your hand or Special Summon 1 "Dogmatika" monster or "Fallen of Albaz" from your GY").
Lastly, when listing your hand, Deck, and/or GY, alongside your face-up Extra Deck, in an effect, you can word it any of the following ways:
- from your hand or face-up Extra Deck
- from your Deck or face-up Extra Deck
- from your GY or face-up Extra Deck
- from your hand, Deck, or face-up Extra Deck
- from your Deck, GY, or face-up Extra Deck
- from your hand, GY, or face-up Extra Deck
- from your hand, Deck, GY or face-up Extra Deck
but when wording it like any of these, you don't need to say "
face-up in your Extra Deck". You can just say "
face-up Extra Deck" without including "
in" there.
