Star Warrior Archetype (Kirby) Deck.

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FailedKirby
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Star Warrior Archetype (Kirby) Deck.

Post #1 by FailedKirby » Thu Mar 18, 2021 3:00 pm

Hello, I am new here. I thought I would post the deck I made out of Kirby Fanboyism. Critique it all you like.
https://www.duelingbook.com/deck?id=7501257

Christen57
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Post #2 by Christen57 » Thu Jun 17, 2021 9:48 pm

This is a guide on which words you should always capitalize, and which words you should capitalize only if you're starting a sentence with them or having them right after a colon. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tS11H_Oa7jdiQVOgV03sjh3uvk3YGYIbrNIG2b-C0vY/edit

Some other issues I noticed were that, on some effects, you have semi-colons or commas where there should be a colon, and vice versa. For example, you don't say If this card is Summoned; Send 1 "Star Warrior" card from your deck to your GY.
You say If this card is Summoned: Send 1 "Star Warrior" card from your Deck to the GY. where there is a colon instead of a semi-colon, "deck" is capitalized, and "your GY" is replaced with "the GY" since you're sending something from your deck to the graveyard so you don't need to say "your" twice.

Another issue I noticed is this effect you have:
If this card is sent to the GY, you can banish this card; Special Summon 1 "Kirby the Star Warrior" from the deck to the field, but its ATK/DEF become 0, its effects are negated, and you pay half your LP in damage. The effect of "Star Warrior Bandana Dee can only be used once per duel.

There is no such thing as "paying half your LP in damage". You either pay half your LP, or you take damage equal to half your LP.

You also keep using "you may" instead of "you can" for effects like:

If you control a "Kirby the Star Warrior"; you may Special Summon this card from your hand If you control a "Star Warrior" monster, you may declare 1 Attribute; change this cards Attribute to the declared Attribute.


This isn't Magic The Gathering. You're supposed to use "you can" not "you may". Also this entire effect can be shorter with the proper problem-solving card text if you changed it to:

If you control "Kirby the Star Warrior": You can Special Summon this card from your hand. Once per turn, if you control a "Star Warrior" monster: You can declare 1 Attribute; this card becomes that Attribute.

You don't need to include the word "a" when referring to "Kirby the Star Warrior" for this effect. Anytime you want a condition to be controlling a card with 1 specified name, you can just say "If you control X" instead of "If you control a X" or "If you control an X".

Also, some kind of once per turn is necessary so you can't use this effect an infinite number of times.

You also missed a period between "from your hand" and "If" in the next sentence.

For this effect:

If you control no cards on the field during your Main Phase; you may Special Summon this card from your hand to the field. If this card is Summoned; add 1 "Star Warrior" Spell/Trap card from your deck to your hand.

You don't need to include "on the field during your Main Phase" or "to the field" in that first sentence. You can just say If you control no cards: You can Special Summon this card from your hand.

For the second part of that effect, you can just say Spell/Trap from your Deck to your hand without including the word "card" since you're referring to a card in the deck by default.

For the trap card's effect, you should copy, paste, and use the actual bullet points, that official cards such as Ash Blossom & Joyous Spring uses, like so: ●

instead of using the ALT 0149 bullet points, which are smaller.

I don't recommend having a custom Super Polymerization for your archetype when the actual Super Polymerization already exists.

This entire effect can be made shorter by changing it from:

Add 1 "Kirby the Star Warrior" from your deck or GY to your hand. If this effect is used; You cannot Special Summon "Kirby the Star Warrior" monsters from your hand for the rest of this turn. If this card is in the GY, you may banish 2 "Star Warrior" Fusion monster in your GY; Special Summon 1 "Star Warrior" monster from your deck to the field. During your Main Phase, you may banish this card from the GY; Special Summon 1 "The Butterfly" from your hand or deck. You can only use 1 effect of "Call of the Star Warrior" per turn, and only once during that turn.

to

Add 1 "Kirby the Star Warrior" from your Deck or GY to your hand, but if you do, you cannot Special Summon "Kirby the Star Warrior" from the hand for the rest of this turn. If this card is in the GY: You can banish 2 "Star Warrior" Fusion Monsters from your GY; Special Summon 1 "Star Warrior" monster from your Deck. You can banish this card from the GY; Special Summon 1 "The Butterfly" from your hand or Deck. You can only use 1 "Call of the Star Warrior" effect per turn, and only once that turn.

You don't need to say "only once during that turn". You can just say "only once that turn" without including "during".

The fusion monster with this effect:

Either player can only Special Summon monster(s) once per turn while this card is face up on the field. This card cannot be destroyed by your opponents card effects. If your opponent activates a monster effect you may discard 1 card; negate its activation; destroy it. The effect of "Rock Kirby the Star Warrior" once per turn.

Is a bit too strong. It's Shaddoll Winda but with a monster negate. I recommend removing one of it's effects, the summon-limiting effect, the protection effect, or the negate effect.


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