Duelingbook Forum

GayNProud wrote:DELETED

Confessions of a Mystic Mine Player: An Apology, and a Goodbye

Hello everyone,

I am choosing to share my story today with you all for two reasons:

1. It might resonate with and help some of you out there
2. To clear my conscious, and hold myself accountable

I started playing variations of Mystic Mine decks about +2 years ago competitively on Dueling Book as my sole deck of choice. Due to that choice, I made, I have received an onslaught of verbal abuse, homophobia, malicious stalling, and similar behaviors from the community. I have used these offenses against me to get over 100+ players frozen overtime.

The truth is that yes, my reasons for playing this deck are monkey-ish. I confess that I am a returning player in my late 20s, who was overwhelmed by the modern era of Yu-Gi-Oh including the long combos, pendulum summoning, and link summoning. I googled a deck that can be easily piloted and played, and Mystic Mine was the first result that popped up.

I have had a "victim complex" in real life my entire life, so I tend to always put myself in positions where I know I will be attached. This allows me to fit the victim role and get retribution against whoever offends me. Regardless of whether we think that players losing their temper and stepping out of line is an acceptable behavior or not, I will rise up today to take accountability for my own actions.

I have been dealing with crippling anxiety, depression, boredom, loneliness, and sadness since I was a kid. I am indeed a gay man, yet not a proud one whatsoever. In fact, I am homophobic myself. I grew up in an extremely homophobic and toxic country and was taught to always hate myself and almost lost myself as a result of my sexuality.

I am extremely intelligent, and I have plenty going for me. Although, I have fucked up in my life so many times in many areas and have not reached 1% of my potential that I know very well. As a result of my boredom and sadness, I have also used DuelingBook to post lame and inappropriate things on the Main Menu in a semi-consistent manner, and I have sent players sexual messages.

Playing on here has number my pain and allowed me to interact with plenty of great people. But I do not want to inflict anymore pain. The truth is, I have an internet addiction, a YouTube/YugiTube addition, a porn/masturbation addiction, and a Yu-Gi-Oh addiction.

I need to put myself first, and eliminate any areas of toxicity in my life, whether its toxicity towards myself, or others. I apologize. I apologize if I ever upset you, if I triggered you, if I ruined your day, or if I said something to you that I shouldn't have.

I will never play a duel on the GayNProud account or play a Mystic Mine deck ever again. I might create a new account to learn a new deck, and perhaps play on it for one hour a week or something. As part of a new balanced approach to my life, in my recovery. Maybe. At some point.

I love you guys. I am grateful to this communitry for keeping me distracted and keeping me alive. If you are dealing with similar issues, just know that you are not alone, and that you need to find the place within you to energize you with motivation to take action. Stay strong.

greg503 wrote:tl:dr When someone edits their thing to be effectively deleted, and you have a screencap of what they removed, consider whether or not you should repost it, maybe ask the person in question why they did the edit...

GayNProud wrote:Someone hacked my account and posted the original.

Christen57 wrote:

GayNProud wrote:Someone hacked my account and posted the original.

I have a name, you know... and no, I didn't "hack" anything.